Directed by Chuck Vincent
Written by Chuck Vincent and Bill Slobodian
IMDB

Forget everything you saw in the hundreds of films made on this subject; this is the quintessential wet t-shirt contest movie. All kidding aside, this is very much along the lines of a bikini movie. Joe's business, a bar, is tanking. His pal gives him the key to success: wet t-shirts. While just spilling water on a woman wearing a wet t-shirt would have been slightly more organic, this plot gave it an economical spin.
The conflict of the piece comes when the members of the local cheerleading squad loses out to one of the (non-cheerleading) townies. This leads to team wet t-shirt contests, that still have one winner-- which is the only plot hole in this flick.
This film was blatantly dumb, it is about wet t-shirts, after all. I enjoyed it for what it was. Judged against other bikinis save a business movies, this was pretty good. It was silly, somewhat madcap and, yes, this movie feature the bare bosoms of many women.
This is on Netflix Instant, so watch and enjoy if you like titties, wet t-shirts and jokes about sexual intercourse.

7/10 (On a "for what it is" scale)

Directed by Paul Mazursky
Written by Paul Mazursky and Larry Tucker
IMDB

A new age documentary film maker and his wife go on a weekend retreat to get in touch with their emotions. After their get away they spend some time hanging out with their best friends Ted and Alice, who are a bit more straight laced than them. When Bob reveals that he has had an affair to Carol, she tells Ted and Alice. Alice has a hard time dealing with this news and doesn't want to be around them. She also can't become sexually intimate with Ted. Later we find out that Ted and Carol have also had affairs (separately). Alice feels that they should all have an orgy.
This is a pretty weird movie about infidelity and a satirical look at new age people/hipsters and their open minded views toward love. While this is technically a sex comedy, it's not in the style of Porky's or American Pie, obviously. The comedy isn't of the joke-a-minute and outlandish gag variety. It's more of a situational humor.
I had been really wanting to watch this one for a while, and finally got the chance to thanks to Turner Classic Movies, the best reason to have TV. It's definitely worth checking out.

8.5/10

Directed by Woody Allen
Written by Woody Allen
IMDB

Based on the book of the same title by David Reuben, Everything You Wanted to Know About Sex tackles 7 questions and presents them as ludicrous skits. The most memorable skits are Gene Wilder falling in love with a sheep, Woody Allen being attacked by a giant tit (like the Blob) and a skit showing what's going on inside you while having sex.
This is Woody Allen at his most ridiculous. This movie is very funny, silly and offers a good variety in the skits. It's much better than most skit movies (Amazon Women on the Moon, Kentucky Fried Movie, etc.). Definitely worth a watch.

8/10

Directed by Dimitri Logothetis
Written by Dan Hoskins
IMDB

Pretty Smart presents itself at the beginning as a fairy tale. The only resemblance to that kind of story is that it takes place in a castle and the pacing is weird, causing the story to seem more lucid.
Over the opening credits a small story plays out where Daphne (Tricia Leigh Fisher)is arrested. I really liked this, as directors don't take advantage of opening credits very often. From here the story picks up as Daphne is sent to an all girls school in another country (somewhere in Europe, I don't quite remember) with her sister. She doesn't quite fit in, but she becomes fast friends with a group of misfits.
The headmaster, Crawley, spies on the girls using hidden cameras and sells cocaine. He pits the girls against each other using the old "divide on conquer" theory. I don't know how that is supposed to work as it would potentially create greater problems with all the fighting/feuding. Regardless, the cameras are there for a steady stream of nudity.
Crawley and Daphne don't see eye-to-eye. He favors the "preens" over the "subs" as the movie calls the groups. Preens are preppier girls who are sexually loose, and the subs are girls who dress like a colorblind Madonna.
During Daphne's birthday party, Crawley steals her present, a boombox. The subs band together to sneak into Crawley's office and get the stereo back. They discover the monitors where Crawley watches the girls shower and fornicate and the videos he shows his drug buying friends. Then they witness Crawley buying drugs and scheduling a pickup date. They decide to get even with him, so they steal his drugs (which were planted in Daphne's sister's bags for a trip to Rome) and he immediately gives up and leaves the academy.
The story also includes a teacher all of the girls love who gets fired for taking Daphne and her friends on a night on the town. She becomes the new headmaster. Plus there's a running "joke" about tourists being shown around the castle their school is leasing.
This movie is weird and probably has about 10-15 minutes cut out of it, which could probably tie up a lot of loose ends. I had to make a lot of assumptions during this film, but I still liked it. It's a movie for teenage girls, I'd say, but it is full of gratuitous nudity. This is a movie without a real audience, but definitely worth checking out if you like silly 80s movies.

7/10

Directed by Jim Sotos
Written by Larry Anderson and Peter Floyd
IMDB

Four friends about to enter their senior year of high school make a pact that by the end of the summer they will lose their virginity. The story mainly focuses on Michael, who is having relationship problems Julie Ann. He is pressuring her into having sex (they have been dating for six months), so she breaks things off and decides to date the hunky/would-be date rapist/life guard Roger. Michael, in turn, goes on a date with Heidi, one of his brother's friends. Can Michael and his friends be deflowered by summer's end? Yes, they can.
This is a prototype for American Pie. The only difference is that American Pie is executed much better, but I enjoyed this film more. American Pie is played for gross out laughs and this movie is just some teens being stupid teens, being naive about sex, name calling, etc. The music in this movie is absolutely atrocious, but it does feature the sex comedy staple: a band nobody has ever heard of playing in a random place.
While not amazing, this movie is worth a watch for people who enjoy sex comedies. If you can get over the low-budget pacing problems that usually plague the films of this era, there are some laughs and boobs.

6.5/10

Directed by Skott Snider
Written by Scott Bindley
IMDB

Scotty loses his job, his girlfriend and his apartment all in the same day. He's handed a genie's bottle by a homeless man (Pat Morita). He frees the genie, Jeannie, from her bottle and she can grant nearly any wish Scotty wants. He wants to get a girl, Dana, to fall in love with him. Jeannie helps him until she realizes that she is in love with him and Dana is unfaithful.
This flick is not as bad as I thought it would have been after the opening ten minutes. It's a 80s style sex comedy, with all of the standards: main characters are dorks/nerds, lots of nudity, a live performance from a band nobody would listen to, lots of cheap laughs and a focus on a love story, even though everybody (the guys) just wants to sleep with hot girls. Decent late night movie.

6.5/10

Directed by Valerie Breiman
Written by Clark Kent
IMDB

Clark Kent penned this atrocious movie. That's right, Supermans' alter ego wrote a flick called Bikini Squad. Valerie Breiman is better known for directing the fatally bad Going Overboard starring a young Adam Sandler.
This is a movie about filming a Baywatch-esque TV show. The producer wants the show to end because he's losing money somehow (they explain that it's over budget every week, but if it's in syndication and huge in Europe then how is it losing money?). The producer hires a young woman to direct the show and also tries to sabotage it along the way.
Absolutely fucking terrible. It's hard to justify giving this a 4, but I'll try. 1) This is as bad as Hardbodies 2, which I apparently watched before I started this blog, but it's fucking awful. 2) It's not filmed that poorly. 3) There is nudity, and that makes a movie slightly more worth watching. 4) At least they are trying, they don't succeed, but they do attempt to make a decent campy movie. That's probably not a good justification for a 4, but fuck it. Just never watch this piece of shit so you can't argue with me about it.

4/10

Directed by Kevin Smith
Written by Kevin Smith
Trailer
IMDB

Kevin Smith finally strays away from his classic characters Jay and Silent Bob in a movie that I would be willing to watch. Not only that, but I did watch, hence the review.
Seth Rogen and Elizabeth Banks star as Zack and Miri, roommates who can't pay their bills. They decide to remedy this by making a porno. The conflict being that Zack is secretly in love with Miri.
This is a movie about making your first movie, more than anything. It's got all the grossout humor you'd expect, and the typical Kevin Smith good cast. Good acting, good directing and a good story. Entertaining, but not mind-blowing.

7/10

Directed by David Mitchell
Written by Jay Naples
Trailer
IMDB

Ski School 2 is a travesty. A travesty that features nudity. I knew going into it that it would be absolutely terrible, and I may have never even seen Ski School 1.
The plot: A girl is getting married to a total douchetard who is using her to take over a ski school (the titular one). Then there's this guy who is friends with Will Sasso (yep, the same one who was on Monday Nitro that one time) is in love with the girl that is marrying the asshole. Some bullshit happens. A girl paints nude on a snow hill. There's some dominatrix shit going on here and there. Yeah, it's pretty awful.
I'd recommend that you stay as far away from this movie as possible. I don't mind a bad movie. I mean, just look through the archives, there's the proof. I especially don't mind a bad movie with nudity, and there's some. This movie is so fucking awful, though. If you own a copy of this movie, send it to me and I will personally smash the living shit out of it with a hammer.
It's not the worst movie I've ever seen. I'm not even sure it's the worst skiing movie I've seen. It's just bad.

2/10

Directed by Miklos Lente
Written by Ed Naha
IMDB

Oddballs is a Canadian summer camp movie. It's level of absurdity is very high. An always drunk old man wins a summer camp in a card game. His grand daughter is young and blond. The story focuses mainly on three boys who have to have sex, even though they don't really no what it is. One of the boys really wants the blond grand daughter. One of the counselors is trying to teach the boys in camp how to pick up women. He even takes two of them to a bar to pick up ladies. Also, some nerdy asshole is trying to buy the camp in order to turn it into a mall.
Really goofy movie that's so absurd that it's almost like a cartoon. The sound effects are out of control, but add to its craziness. Personally, I like summer camp movies. This was no exception.

8/10

Directed by Sam Auster
Written by Sam Auster and Laura Auster
IMDB

Four guys decide that they should pretend to make a porno and it'll get them some pussy. They hire four ladies and one of them is the daughter of a mob boss. The boss demands for them to hand over the footage they have shot, but they haven't shot any. They then make a real porno and fall in love with the porn girls.
What a terrible movie. The characters are shallow until they fall in love, which makes little sense. The women are fairly unattractive. The story is ludicrous. Most of all, it's just not funny or pulled off right.

4/10

Directed by Gary Troy
Written by Paul Galle and Gary Troy
IMDB

Ineptly directed and edited late night beach flick about a guy who lives on beach front property and has a computer. He falls for the Mayor's daughter, but gets pissed at her when the Mayor tries to take over their land to get a treasure. A treasure that doesn't even exist, which we're told about through a message to the audience for some reason. I guess they forgot to shoot that scene.
There are some laughs, both intentional and unintentional. Much of the movie is overdubbed and the times its not you can barely hear the actors speaking. About 90% of the movie has music playing in the background, which I actually liked. Also there's four musical performances, two by the metal band Panther, one by some country group and one rousing performance of "Under the Boardwalk."
While the movie is completely awful in nearly every way, it has a certain idiot's charm to it. Perhaps I'm just a fan of 80s beach and sex comedies, especially when computers are involved. Perhaps it was the bong I had smoked.

7.5/10

Directed by Sean S. Cunningham
Written by David Smilow
Trailer
IMDB

Spring Break is an aimless 80s comedy. The story loosely is based upon some dorks that get double booked in a hotel room with some party animals. One of the dorks' asshole stepfather comes to take him away from the fun and puss.
Spring Break is bland. There are few laughs and little actual plot, it's mostly just the guys hanging out at a bikini contest, wet t-shirt contest or beer drinking contest. There's a little bit of nudity, but not enough to make up for the blandness.

5/10

Directed by Ronald F. Maxwell
Written by Kimi Peck & Dalene Young
IMDB

Ferris (Tatum O'Neal) and Angel (Kristy McNichol), both 15, are the only virgins in their bunk at an all girls camp. The other girls make a bet on which girl will be the first to lose their virginity that summer. Ferris targets an older camp counselor (Armand Assante) and Angel targets a boy from the boys camp across the lake (Matt Dillon).
This movie was excellent. It's got a similar plot to American Pie, but it's played straight and there's no pie fucking. It deals with the sensetive topic of young girls being peer pressured into losing their virginity with grace. While it's played straight and realistically, which is helped by the great acting, there are some laughs.

10/10

Directed by Rick Sloane
Written by Rick Sloane
AKA: Babe Watch: Forbidden Parody
IMDB

Bikini Academy is a Rick Sloane production. Rick Sloane produced two of the worst movies I've ever seen: Hobgoblins and Vice Academy. So I was surprised when I didn't want to kill myself during Bikini Academy. I actually even laughed a few times.
The flick starts off with three men and three women going to lifeguard school. Lucki is a catty girl who only wants guys if somebody else wants them, Bodacia is a porn actress serving community service. The other four are stupid or perverts. The story revolves mostly around Lucki and Bodacia competing.
Not that bad, not that good. Raelyn Saalman was actually a pretty good actress for much of the movie. The rest of them not so much. Lots of nudity. For the most part the movie was pretty fast paced, which is always a good thing to me. This movie only has about 5 seconds of Baywatch parody in it, as far as I could tell. I have never really watched Baywatch, but I did watch Son of the Beach, so I have a fair idea of what Baywatch is like. I also saw a few episodes of Baywatch Nights. This movie was nothing like Baywatch Nights.

6/10

Directed by Herb Freed
Written by Ben Zelig
IMDB

Betsy Russell stars as Tommy, a tomboy who likes to work on cars and shoot hoops. She meets a race car driver and decides that she can show some femininity and tits. Then her and the race car driver have a falling out. The only way to settle their differences is to have a race.
Fairly typical 80s comedy, with the added bonus of plentiful nudity. There's naked women walking around in the background that have nothing to do with the movie besides being naked. More movies need that.

7/10

Directed by Steve Carver
Written by Michael Lanahan and David Oas
IMDB

Wretched movie about a tennis team who travels to Las Vegas (I think) in order to play in a tennis tournament. Most of the scenes seemed overly long and boring. One of the keywords on IMDB is "kicked in the crotch," and that's exactly what it felt like when I watched this piece of shit.
I'll generally watch any piece of shit movie to the finish, but Jocks was so boring that I found myself fast forwarding after watching it for an hour. Now, I'm no fan of tennis, but I enjoyed the movie Wimbeldon. Clearly I can enjoy a tennis movie, but not this one. No sex, and not many jokes. It's just a shit movie that isn't any fun to watch.

2/10

Directed by Joan Micklin Silver
Written by Robin Schiff, Tom Ropelewski and Leslie Dixon
IMDB

Patrick Dempsey stars in this 80s comedy about a pizza boy who becomes a male prostitute to make money to go back to college and to be with his girlfriend. His father thinks he's gay because one of his male co-workers drops a shirt off for him.
Pretty good movie with a slight romantic edge. Dempsey is good as the man whore. Not extremely funny, but the story is good and the acting is fine.

7/10

Directed by Bud Townsend
Written by Patrick Sheane Duncan and Phil Groves
IMDB

Three girls (two of which are crazy sexed up party girls; the other is shy and nerdy) stay at the house of the nerdy girl's uncle. The throw a crazy party which leads to her uncle coming to check on them. He gets mad, but the party girls convince him to let them party with weed and tits.
The party girls find a bunch of pot washed up on the beach and immediately throw a huge party. Lots of sex and shenanigans happen.
Fun 80s sex comedy, which is one of the best genres of film. The women are attractive for this kind of movie, especially given how low budget it looks. Somewhat funny, but it is all loose and, besides a few Asian stereotypes, unoffensive.

7/10

Directed by Paul Justman
Written by James V. Hart
IMDB

This is the story of a male counselor at a cheerleader camp who makes a bet with the asshole owner that he can turn the worst group of cheerleaders into a winning team or he has to sign a 5 year contract.
Going into this movie, based on the title, I thought it was going to be a T & A flick, but I was pretty wrong. There's a scene in the middle of this movie where the male lead dances in the shower. He's basically stripping. It really threw me. I wasn't expecting that level of homo-eroticism in a cheerleader movie.
This is a pretty standard camp movie, without much sex, coupled with a standard cheerleader movie, without much sex. It's pretty funny if you don't take it seriously. I certainly hope that if you're reading my site that you don't take movies seriously. It's just entertainment.

7/10